Parental Alienation: Does it Really Exist?

WETHERSFIELD, CT, April 22, 2013

Parental alienation is an increasingly used tool in the war between divorced or divorcing parents. However, legal experts and psychologists differ about whether such a thing really exists. Depending on the expert, parental alienation syndrome, or PAS, is either made-up psychobabble or behavior by one parent that causes significant harm to children during child costody disputes. The reality, of course, is that it's a little of both.

Examples of parental alienation

First, it helps to understand how PAS is defined by those who accept its existence as a syndrome. It is thought to be a deliberate and systematic effort by one parent to alienate a child from the other parent. It can take a variety of forms - constant negative comments about the other parent, seeking to substitute another adult (usually a boyfriend or girlfriend) as a "new" parent, or trying to convince a child that normal and conventional disciplinary actions are cruel and unusual behavior.

Other actions that could be labeled as efforts to alienate children from the other parent include:

- One parent discouraging a child from having a relationship with the other parent

- One parent punishing a child - either overtly or subtly - for spending time with the other parent

- One parent prohibiting a child from spending time with the other parent

- One parent interrupting communication - such as phone calls, emails or letters - between a child and the other parent

- One parent using a protective order to prevent a child's contact with the other parent

Parental alienation syndrome is not used to describe physical or emotional abuse of a child. Rather, it is sometimes referred to as domestic violence by proxy - with the child being the proxy who facilitates one parent's abuse of the other.

Courts look at the behavior, not the name, when determining the best interests of the child

Courts in Connecticut and elsewhere agree that parents do behave like this. The question is really whether such behavior and a child's response to it represent a syndrome in the clinical sense. Moreover, does expert testimony that speaks to the emotional and psychological damage done to a child by such parental actions carry any weight? Courts are divided.

In Connecticut, judges certainly evaluate parental behavior when adjudicating custody and visitation disputes. When parents behave in ways that are determined to not be in the best interests of the child, their points of view may be discounted. But what of children, especially older children, who assert that their other parent is abusive, cruel or neglectful? Should their statements be discounted because of suspected PAS? These are just a few questions that judges must try to answer when deciding about modifications, relocations, primary custody, vacation schedules and other aspects of child custody matters.

Fights between professionals debating the existence of PAS hide the damage caused by such behavior, not only to the child but also to the parent. Parents can spend hundreds of thousands of dollars when seeking to overcome what they see as deliberate efforts by an ex to separate them from their children. The case of a Connecticut man illustrates both the financial and psychic costs when children are estranged from one of their parents for any reason.

An East Haven man caught in the parental alienation trap

In the fall of 2012, a judge in New Haven Superior Court held a hearing to determine whether the court would consider testimony from the author of a book on parental alienation syndrome. The case involved an East Haven man who said that his three children, 13-year-old triplets, have been manipulated to the point where he has not spoken to them in two years, despite a court ordered co-parenting plan and joint custody agreement.

Furthermore, the mother has not followed the recommendations of a court-ordered family reunification specialist's report. The judge in the matter agreed to hear the testimony of the PAS specialist. In addition, she also heard testimony from the man's neighbors, family members and another former wife.

In addition to seeking contact with his children, the East Haven man hopes that his children's mother will be forced to pay his expenses related to his fight - almost $250,000.

Consequences of this behavior damage more than the parent-child relationship

This type of behavior is certainly bad for children, who deserve two parents whenever possible. But its effects hurt victim parents in ways that are not directly related to access to their children. For example, false charges of abuse or sexual molestation can jeopardize a person's freedom, limit his or her ability to work in certain professions and result in restrictions on where he or she can live.

Unfortunately, in their zeal to protect children, courts, social workers, law enforcement officials and teachers may be much too quick to believe unfounded allegations of abuse. Courts are known to have ignored any reports except those of children who have been coached in an effort to discredit the other parent. Whether or not this is called parental alienation syndrome, the behavior can be very damaging to children.

If you believe your relationship with your children has been tainted by the behavior of the other parent, seek legal help. Call a Connecticut family law attorney at the Patriot Law Group for advice and representation.

Patriot Law Group
1331 Silas Deane Highway
Suite 204-J
Wethersfield, CT 06109
Website: www.patriotlawgroupct.com