Working together to raise a child after divorce

May 09, 2013

Working together to raise a child after divorce

Article provided by The Offices of Keane Law, LLC
Visit us at http://www.jameskeanelaw.com

Even under the best of circumstances, raising a child takes a lot of dedication and commitment from both parents. Once a couple has a child, parents can no longer make decisions that are simply in their own best individual interests. Instead, parents must be sure that the needs of their child are being addressed and that the child has everything he or she needs to succeed in life.

When parents decide that they will file for a divorce, they must both understand that this can make raising the child more difficult. Child custody and visitation (under Colorado Law, child custody and visitation are referred to under the heading of Allocation of Parental Responsibilities) are often the most important issues for both spouses. This can lead to very emotional arguments that may prevent the parties from finding agreements that ensure that the parents can co-parent their child.

As the couple goes through this divorce process, they need to take steps to ensure that they keep their child out of the middle of any conflicts inherent in their divorce. In the best of cases and even with parents who are sensitive to their child's emotional needs, when the child is old enough to understand what is happening, the prospect of the parents breaking up can be very sad, frightening and confusing. In fact, a child may think he or she has caused the problems that have arisen between their parents and the child may worry about what this means for the child's future.

Parents need to take the time to talk with their child about the divorce. However, they need to be careful about how they approach these discussions. They should explain that the divorce is not the child's fault, and, make sure that the child understands that both parents will still be present in the child's life afterward. Each parent must refrain from blaming or even telling the child about the issues that have led to the divorce. The divorce is hard enough without the child feeling that he or she must take one parent's side or the other's. The parents may find that working with a therapist who can guide such discussions with their child and also encourage the child to share with his/her parents the child's fears and hopes is the best way to help their child understand what is happening in and to the family.

After the divorce is final, there may be some issues that arise as both parents start working under the custody and visitation agreement (in Colorado, custody, visitation and other matters related to children are contained in a Parenting Plan) that is in place. This will require both parents to understand that they will have to work together to honor the intent of the Parenting Plan. This is especially true if something happens that requires a change in the Parenting Plan. Often, parents will work with a Parenting Coordinator to make sure that communication between the parents is clear and respectful and to avoid any misunderstandings between the parents.

If you have questions about a child custody or parenting time issue, speak to an experienced family law attorney about your concerns. This can be a very difficult time for you, and leave you concerned about what you need to do in order to be able to still spend time with your child.

An attorney can help you understand how to work toward an agreement with your soon to be ex-spouse, or, if unable to reach an agreement, can protect your interests in the courtroom.