Negative effects of divorce on children may be overstated
Some studies tend to show that children of divorce suffer negative consequences from their parents' split. However, many studies prove that children do quite well so long as parents follow a few rules.
May 09, 2013
Negative effects of divorce on children may be overstatedArticle provided by Law Offices of Dischell, Bartle & Dooley, PC
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At any given time, thousands of children across the U.S. are going through the confusing and often painful process of watching their parents go through a divorce. While various studies claim that children whose parents have divorced may be more inclined to smoke, drop out of school or get divorced themselves, more studies show that relatively low numbers of children suffer serious, long-term ill effects.
At the time of the divorce, every child experiences some level of trauma. The good news is that there are many things parents can do to lessen the negative effects of a divorceon their children. Much of the advice given to parents can be grouped into a few broad areas.
Communication
Children are often confused about what is happening and often blame themselves for the split between their parents. It is important for parents to discuss what is occurring -- in an age-appropriate fashion depending on each child's age -- before, during and after a divorce. Parents should:
-Tell the truth without getting into too much detail
-Discuss what the divorce will mean for them in the time to come, such as where they will live and go to school
-Remind them the divorce is an issue between the parents and the children are not at fault
-Tell them you love them
-Provide advance warning about upcoming changes so they have time to process the information
Conflict
Every divorce contains some level of conflict between the parents as they struggle to untangle their lives so they can go their separate ways. During the process, it is important for parents to keep their divorce as conflict-free as possible for the good of their children. At the very least, minimize the children's exposure to the conflict by saving the arguments for the lawyer's office, meetings outside the home or counseling sessions.
If one parent is having a much more difficult time holding it together and is unable to keep his or her anger or depression in check, it may be advisable for the children to minimize contact with that parent for a time. If your ex-spouse appears to be escalating your child's anxiety or anger during visits, you may wish to discuss the matter with your lawyer and see if a change to custody or visitation may be advisable.
Companionship
Social support from friends, other family members and adults who influence their lives -- such as teachers, neighbors, coaches and church members -- is very important to their adjustment to the changes in their lives. Allow them to have quality time with adults you know to be supportive and helpful.
A lawyer can help
If you are considering a divorce, seek the advice of an experienced family law lawyer. An attorney who is knowledgeable about issues with divorce can help you make decisions about child custody, visitation and marital asset division.