Your Relationship is a Threesome and You Don't Even Know It

FREEPORT, ME, April 16, 2014 (Press-News.org) A romantic dinner for two, a second honeymoon in a tropical paradise, or even a mundane trip to the grocery store. Three times a couple should feel completely at ease with each other. But look again. There's a third party muscling in on your relationship. It's not the in-laws or the kids; the BFF or the co-worker; and even though it sounds terrible, it's not even the lover of a cheating spouse.

Married, living together or just building a committed relationship, money is the uninvited third partner, whispering sweet nothings into one ear while our partner is whispering in the other. And, because we are so married to what money tells us as individuals, we don't understand where our true partners are coming from when we see them thinking or acting differently. We just wonder what's wrong with them - and isn't that just a definite recipe for disaster!

From the time we are old enough to understand the concept of money, we've been taught what to do with it, what not to do with it, how to save it, spend it, invest it, earn it and yes, even covet it, but for most of us, we've never learned how to talk about it.

CPA Jane Honeck and Psychotherapist Spencer Melnick believe that communication, or 'the money discussion' holds the key to better self-understanding, and as a result, better relationships. Together, Honeck and Melnick have developed 'The Money Dynamic', an intensive online workshop designed to help individuals and couples, regardless of their net worth, or lack thereof, to understand their own relationship with money.

"Couples get trapped into thinking it's all about the money," says Honeck. "But the underlying issues are the same ones that trip you up in other areas--trust, power, and intimacy. And, just like those other areas, money problems are solved with the same thing--good communication."

When you finally learn to talk, really talk, about money it's like the 'eureka moment', the Whammy, the Thunderbolt! Here are some easy tricks to learn how.

- Make your first real money conversation about what's good--save the problems for later. Only talking about money when there are problems means you're only trying to talk about money when you're stressed and anxious. No conversations work in that frame of mind. Start when you're feeling good and make it short and sweet. Something like, "I made my lunch today and saved $8. Feels pretty good." Short and sweet but it's a trial run and you're learning for future conversations.

- Be curious about what others think. Ask questions. Again, short, sweet and simple. Something like, "I have a tough time saving, what do you do to save a little money?" You might get a great idea or you just might hear "I can't seem to figure it out!" Either way, it gives you an opportunity to start talking about money and get a new perspective. There's a reason why two heads are better than one. When you stay isolated in your own money thoughts and problems, you only see what you've always seen. But when you look at things from a new perspective, endless possibilities open up and the end result will surely strengthen your relationship.

- Be honest--tell it like it is. No one likes to feel they're all alone. The financial world is expert at helping us feel like we're the only one with this problem. Being honest and truthful about money lets others know they can do the same--and that you don't have to be an expert. Saying you're worried, lets others be worried. Saying you're confused, lets others be confused. And, feeling good lets others do the same. No matter what you are, being honest lets others be on the same page instead of alone with the issues.

- Talk now--not later. Waiting until you have the perfect words, the perfect facts and the perfect weather--only increases your anxiety. And stress and anxiety is a recipe for disaster. Bring it up--whatever it is--the first time you think about it. Even if it's nothing more than, "I'm still sorting this out, but what do you think?" For all you know, your partner may have already sorted things out and it's not an issue at all. Or, if they haven't, just knowing that you're thinking about it too, puts them on your side. They're ready to see how they can help.

- You've arrived. Don't look now but you've just had your first conversation about a money problem. And, if you followed these easy steps, you didn't run from it, you didn't hide from it and you didn't get crucified for bringing it up. Money talk is no different than any other conversation--stay light, interested, honest and current. Nothing more, nothing less.

The Money Dynamic doesn't pretend to give you the secrets of wealth and it doesn't offer a one-size-fits-all answer to getting out of debt, but it does teach you how to recognize money messages, process your own money signals and communicate on a level playing field. The intensive eight part course walks you through both understanding and application by providing video vignettes, course materials and extensive worksheets and study guides.

To learn more about The Money Dynamic, visit http://themoneydynamic.com

About Jane Honeck
Award winning author Jane Honeck, has counseled individuals and businesses for over 30 years as a traditional financial consultant at Honeck-O'Toole Certified Public Accountants, the firm she founded in Portland, Maine. As a CPA and Personal Financial Specialist (PFS), Jane worked with thousands of individuals and businesses to help them make sense of their financial world. Her internationally published book, The Problem With Money? It's Not About The Money! helps you master your limiting beliefs about money.

About Spencer Melnick
Spencer Melnick is a psychotherapist, coach, trainer, and organizational consultant based in Portland, Maine. He provides leadership development and coaching to individuals, teams and organizations. His focus is on supporting others to develop personally and professionally, while enhancing their skills and self-awareness. This process leads to enhanced interpersonal skills, an increase in performance and productivity, and improved leadership and respect.