How to help your teen adjust after divorce

May 10, 2013

How to help your teen adjust after divorce

Article provided by Maisie A. Barringer, Partner at Jenkins & Kamin, L.L.P.
Visit us at http://www.barringerfamilylaw.com

Divorce is a major transition for any family. However, it is particularly difficult for families who have children living at home. Children often have a hard time understanding why their parents are divorcing, and they may struggle to adapt to a new post-divorce lifestyle.

This is especially true for teenagers. The teenage years are difficult enough, with teens working to establish a sense of independent self while managing school and extracurricular and preparing to launch into an adult life. The added stress of a divorcecan cause teens to act out or to become angry and withdrawn.

If your teen is going through a rough patch in the wake of your divorce, know that this is perfectly normal. In all likelihood, this will pass once your teen has had some time to reflect and adjust. However, there are some things you can do to help ease the transition, including the following:

-Talk with your teen: This is different from talking at your teen. Ask your teen about the concerns he or she is having, and make it clear that your home is a safe space to have open and honest conversations. Though it is good to have age-appropriate conversations about your own feelings, try not to take it personally if your teen says something hurtful. Many teens keep their feelings bottled up because they are so worried about hurting their parents or getting in trouble.
-Let your teen heal: Everyone processes divorce differently. Your teen may be angry at you and may be struggling to rebuild trust. Your divorce may also cause your teen to question whether he or she will ever have a successful marriage. Give your teen the time and space it takes to process these issues.
-Spend quality time together: This may sound simple, but it is easy to forget about having fun when you are going through a stressful transition. Set aside some time to do something that you both like. While you're doing it, just try to enjoy the time you are spending together and don't worry about talking about the divorce.
-Don't ask your teen to take sides: After a divorce, teens may feel pressured to choose one parent over the other, especially if the child custody process was contentious. Make sure your teen knows that this is not expected. Encourage your teen to spend time with the other parent, and try hard not to bad mouth your ex when your teen is around.

These are just a few of the ways you can help your teen adjust after a stressful divorce. In addition, don't be afraid to talk to a therapist or family counselor if the problem seems bigger than you can handle. Sometimes a little help can go a long way.