Common Mistakes Parents Make When Telling Children About Divorce

September 28, 2012

Common Mistakes Parents Make When Telling Children About Divorce

Discussions about divorce are rarely easy, even among adults. Difficulties increase when telling children about divorce. Parents often worry about how to tell children about divorce and how the children will react. Parents going through divorce should be aware of some of the mistakes parents frequently make when telling children about divorce and some tips for avoiding those mistakes.

Not Preparing What to Say

Before getting the children involved, parents should have a discussion between themselves about what they are going to tell them. Planning what to say can help parents remain calm and avoid emotional outbursts in front of the children, which would make the news more difficult for children to hear.

Not Having Both Parents Present

Both parents should deliver the news to the children together. Having both parents involved in the discussion reinforces the idea that both parents are still going to be a part of the children's lives. It also shows that even though the parents may not be able to live together anymore, they can still work together when it is necessary for their children.

Telling Children Too Much

Parents need to strike a balance with respect to how much information give children about the divorce. Parents should answer their children's questions honestly and give as much detail they know about things like where each parent and the children will live, how frequently each parent will see the children, whether the divorce will impact where the children attend school and other logistical topics.

Parents should avoid divulging too much information about specific problems that they are having. Giving a general reason for the divorce satisfies children's curiosity without burdening them with their parents' problems. Parents should also refrain from blaming each other for the divorce or voicing hurt feelings when telling the children.

Not Reassuring Children

Parents understand that the problems in their marriages are not their children's fault. However, parents should not assume their children know this. Children may feel responsible for their parents' divorce and believe that they could have done something to prevent it.

Parents need to be sure to tell children that the problems the parents have are not due to any of the children's actions. Parents should also emphasize that the change in their own relationship has no impact on how much they love their children, and that both parents will still play active roles in their children's lives.

Children will need time to adjust to the news that their parents are divorcing. However, if parents make the effort to tell their children about divorce carefully, the likelihood that children will handle the information better increases. If you have questions about divorce, contact an experienced divorce attorney who can help discuss your situation with you and advise you of your options.

Article provided by Law Office of Hoopis & Hoopis
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