The Top 15 Mistakes to Avoid During a Divorce

April 03, 2013

Divorce carries both emotional and financial tolls. Below are a few important tips to avoid some of the most common mistakes:

1. Do not assume your spouse is going to be "fair" or "reasonable"

While a good divorce attorney will do their best to help encourage collaboration, sometimes this is not possible. While hoping for the best, it is important to prepare for the worst in the adversarial system.

2. As soon as you feel your spouse may be considering separation or divorce, take steps to protect yourself.

- Make copies of all important financial documents including bank accounts, credit card statements, credit reports, stock and insurance account statements, investment and business records, income documents such as tax returns, W-2s, 1099s, K-1s, safety deposit boxes and any information that relates to your lifestyle, such as charge account statements, proof of travel, entertainment or hobbies. Document expensive collectibles.
- Open an account in your separate name with adequate funds to support yourself for 90 days - the time it may take to get before the court.
- Inventory personal property. Take photos or videos before you move out.
- Keep a journal to remember important events.

3. Investigate what it will cost to live on your own.

In a divorce, the same income used for one joint household and has to be spread between two separate households. Most people underestimate expenses significantly. Write down everything you spend, from your morning cup of coffee to vacations, and develop a realistic monthly budget.

4. Not all assets are created equal.

Don't assume it is best to keep the house. Be sure you can afford both the monthly payment and the upkeep. There are tax consequences relating to taking the marital home over retirement or other assets. To assure you are evaluating options to your best advantage, it is best to consult with an experienced family law attorney in Colorado.

5. Have reasonable expectations.

Litigation is costly. Consider what it will cost to argue about an issue. If the argument will cost more in attorney's fees than it would cost to buy a new replacement item, it is time to reconsider your position.

6. Don't Overestimate the Power of a Divorce Decree over Creditors.

A Colorado Court Divorce Decree may not be enforceable against Creditors. When you settle your divorce, responsibility for the debt is decided by the divorce court, usually without notice to creditors. Don't make the mistake of believing that a court order regarding division of debt is enforceable against the credit card company if the spouse obligated to pay the debt in the divorce fails ultimately fails to pay.

7. Evaluate business, retirement and pension plans correctly.

Again, retirement benefits differ from plan to plan. For instance, plans vary about when the right to receive payment occurs or "vests", whether and how plan benefits may be divided in a divorce, how plan benefits are treated upon the death of a plan participant and/or former spouse and when benefits may be received by a non-participant former spouse. In some cases, the plan investments are under the control of the employer.

8. Avoid Hiring a Combative Lawyer as Punishment.

This is a very bad idea for two reasons. First, except in the most egregious cases, divorce settlements are determined by equitable distribution laws and courts will not punish your ex-spouse financially for being a bad person. Second, the legal fees will be astronomical. Treating divorce as a business arrangement will help you to be better provided for post-divorce.

9. Don't forget the IRS.

Work together with a Colorado divorce attorney who is familiar with tax experts who work in the divorce area to minimize the total taxes you and your ex will pay during separation and after divorce and share the money you save. Cashing out the stock options only to get a huge and unexpected tax bill on capital gains later can be a disaster.

10. Help your Attorney Help you.

Don't fail to communicate with your Divorce Lawyer. A lawyer cannot help you if you are not honest. All cases have "good" and 'bad" facts. A Colorado family law attorney can help you prepare for the "bad' facts. Show-up and become involved in your case. You know the details of your financial affairs better than your lawyer. He or she cannot help you "tell your story" to the judge. Organize your financial documents.

11. Avoid Flaunting a new lover, Putting Motel Charges for Rendezvous on Joint Credit Cards, Putting Victoria's Secret Lingerie costs on joint credit cards, etc.

Enough said. This just makes everyone mad and is a sure fire way to scuttle a divorce settlement and increase legal fees.

12. Making verbal agreements outside the settlement agreement
Verbal agreements in family law matters in Colorado are not enforceable in many cases. Always reduce your agreement to a signed writing that is filed with and approved by the court.

13. Taking legal advice from family and friends.

Family and friends provide well meaning emotional support but rarely know the law and usually obtain their information during casual conversation without knowing all the facts or circumstances. You should only get advice from someone who understands law and financial settlements.

14. Having Sex with your soon to be former spouse

Holding onto emotional attachments sends mixed messages to your spouse and children and complicates your divorce.

15. Using your Children as Pawns.

Involving children in your controversy, asking them to convey messages to the other parent, or failing to protect their already frightened feelings not only shows lack of insight as a parent, it is another guaranteed way to increase litigation costs, prove you cannot co-parent and cause your children to suffer developmental delays and life long emotional scars.

Contact a Colorado Marriage Dissolution Attorney, Mediator, and Counselor at Law. If you have any questions regarding divorce, alimony, child support and custody, or any other family law issue, contact our law offices immediately.