Communicating with a former spouse and children after divorce

April 17, 2013

Communicating with a former spouse and children after divorce

Article provided by The Law Office of Julie R. Glade, RN, JD
Visit us at http://www.julieglade.com/

Divorce hurts both parents and children emotionally, as many Indiana families have found. One of the challenges that they face after divorce is communication. The divorced parents still need to communicate with each other, at least until their children grow up. In addition, many Indiana parents experience difficulties in communicating with their own children after divorce.

Effective communication with a former partner

Here are some ideas on how to communicate with a former partner. First, ex-spouses will find it helpful to think of co-parenting as a business. A divorced parent is now engaging in a business to raise the children with a person who no longer lives in the same house. Consider the former partner as a business partner.

Life is inconsistent. The former partner may have a different parenting style and conflicting views. Rather than being stressed by the difference, ex-spouses can try to accept it. This is actually beneficial for the children, as they can experience other ways of doing things.

Each parent should let the other parent know about the children's successes and troubles at school. By doing so, the parent sets up a great experience for the children. The next time the children arrive at the other parent's house, they can be welcomed with congratulations and comforted with empathy.

Adults ought to use friendly words referring to the former partner. Phrases like "children's mother" or "children's father" sound more respectful than "my ex," "ex-husband" or "ex-wife," and are much better for the continuity of the family.

Finally, a spirit of cooperation will go a long way for both parents and children, who can feel more secure if they know that both adults can lend a hand when necessary.

Fostering good communication with children

Children often do not tell their feelings when they are hurt, confused or angry. They likely express their emotions through behaviors and may turn more inwards than before. Nourishing communication between parent and child becomes important to maintain their emotional health as they survive the divorce.

Active listening is a useful skill. The parent should listen attentively and rephrase what the child just said. Parents should not interrupt when the child speaks, and should be respectful when interjecting. This way of communication helps the parent understand what issues the child is experiencing.

Encouraging communication between child and parent means communication cannot be sought only when it is convenient for the parent, therefore a parent will likely have to put the newspaper down, turn off the television and ignore the phone when a child would like to talk. Children may also feel it is risky to raise an issue with their parents. A hug, eye contact or welcoming smile will encourage their attempts.

Above all, parents should not embarrass the children or put them on the spot in front of others. This kind of conduct will shut the door for honest communication.

Open communication is crucial for divorced parents and children. Indiana parents who withhold their emotions and avoid sharing them send wrong messages to the children.

An attorney who is familiar with the psychological impact of divorce will have practical suggestions for men and women going through this process. Therefore, it is important to have good legal advice about family law issues, including communication after divorce.