Hi-Tech Help for Co-Parenting After Divorce

July 22, 2011

You've got a Parenting Plan that spells out your residential schedule, but what about those other big decisions that affect your kids -- like school projects, religious upbringing and doctor's appointments. How on Earth are you supposed to begin to approach your ex about that stuff?

Just because your relationship with your ex was unworkable, it doesn't mean that co-parenting is unworkable. In 2009, Washington saw 13,297 marriages with children end in divorce. And that doesn't include the unmarried parents who found themselves breaking up. Nowadays, there are so many tools available to help you communicate with your child's other parent about these sticky subjects -- outside the earshot of your child.

In the past several years, websites such as OurFamilyWizard.com and ShareKids.com have been developed to try to eliminate communication mishaps that can occur between divorced and separated parents. Oftentimes, these services can help prevent parents ending up back in front of a judge to resolve their child custody disputes. Right now, there are more than 35 states where the court will order divorcing couples to use these sites to help manage co-parenting issues and schedules.

These websites are designed to be a "one stop" resource for parents. Parents have ready access to a message board and shared calendars for scheduling appointments and keeping track of parenting-time schedules. Typically, there is also a financial section where parents can keep an expense log. Some also have message boards for the child and the parent. There are often places for schoolwork information, addresses and phone numbers, and some even offer the ability to upload photos.

These calendars, intended for joint use by both parents, give each parent a clear picture of their children's schedules. With both parents "on the same page," there is an opportunity to minimize confusion and conflict. And, one parent doesn't end up taking on the lion's share of the burden of coordinating schedules. Perhaps best of all, by allowing parents to communicate in a neutral space, these websites help parents avoid using the kids as messengers.

If this sort of one-stop resource sounds like overkill to you, consider this: co-parenting websites encourage both sides to "play nice." Messages entered on the site cannot be erased or altered. Since the website is hosted by a third party, the message strings are likely traceable. Once a message is entered, it's kind of like a tattoo -- it's permanent. With a clear record that could potentially be available to lawyers, judges and therapists at a later date, each parent is less likely to fire off a scathing message in the heat of the moment.

If you feel overwhelmed trying to communicate with your ex, you might consider a sharesite as an alternative. The response to these types of websites has been overwhelmingly positive. Many parents report that using such sites allows them to focus more on what is best for the children involved, rather than figuring out how to communicate most effectively with their exes. Further, mediators and judges credit the use of such websites with reducing the number of return visits to court to address custody and visitation problems.

No one said co-parenting with your ex was going to be easy, but there may be ways to help. If you are having issues with a former spouse regarding custody arrangements, do not hesitate to contact an experienced family law attorney to discuss your situation.

Article provided by DuBois Cary Law Group, PLLC
Visit us at www.duboislaw.net/