Aspire Health Services Offers Advice for Stronger Relationships

MILLSTONE, NJ, June 24, 2013 (Press-News.org) Ellen Deckoff MSW, LCSW, founder of Aspire Health Services LLC, specializes in helping New Jersey couples achieve their relationship goals. Whether you are just beginning to build your relationship or your connection is in need of some repair, Deckoff's expert NJ couples counseling can help ensure your bond stays strong. She shares some of her favorite tips for helping couples maintain healthy relationships:

Tip 1: Focus on the Long Term. Making long-range goals--both for your relationship and for yourselves--can provide you with a sense of commitment and direction over time. "Individual goals in which you support each other--for example, returning to school to finish your degree and your partner committing to watching the kids while you're in class--can help motivate you to act in helpful ways when dealing with day-to-day stresses," explains Deckoff. Meeting with a qualified couples counselor can help you map out what you want from yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

Tip 2: Stay Caring and Constructive. Blaming and criticism are common patterns that couples fall into, and these can eat away at the foundations of your love. "I have never found it helpful for couples to point out who did what when things go wrong," says Deckoff. "Instead, express what you want in a caring, positive way." This means being constructive instead of critical when you are suggesting changes. For example, "It would help us spend more time together this weekend if you mow the lawn while I do the laundry" is more helpful than "You never pull your weight around here! I do everything."

Tip 3: Leave the Past Behind. It is best for couples to solve issues in the present. References to past issues are okay as an example, but don't stay there too long. Past issues are frequently still unresolved so it is best to handle them in the here and now. It isn't important who started or contributed more when things aren't going well. Stay away from a tit-for-tat approach. Remember, you are best friends who need to put your heads together to decide what suits you both. You need to work on compromises that work for you both while speaking in a caring, respectful manner. Attack the issues, not each other.

Tip 4: Break Up Your Problems, Not Your Bond. Rather than trying to tackle all that ails your relationship at once, break up your issues into manageable parts. If you have multiple issues, slow down and address them one at a time. It can be helpful to make lists or take turns. "Hold your requests for change until your partner is done, so you don't make your partner feel disqualified," suggests Deckoff. "If you try to deal with multiple issues at the same time you will lose focus and progress will be difficult."

Tip 5: Be Ready to Work. You don't want to fight with each other, but you will need to fight for your relationship. Deckoff emphasizes that, "A great relationship is not something that happens to you. You are part of making it happen." You may see happy couples and think their bond is effortless, but that's just an appearance--working with your partner, and working for your relationship, means putting in time and effort. The payoff, however, is well worth it.

If you want to learn more about strengthening your relationship, Aspire Health Services specializes in short-term marriage therapy in New Jersey. You can find more advice, and learn more about Aspire Health Services, on their website, www.aspirehealth.com.

About Aspire Health Services:
Aspire Health Services LLC is a private, outpatient mental health practice owned and operated by Ellen Deckoff, MSW, LCSW. Licensed by the New Jersey Board of Social Work Examiners, Deckoff earned her Masters Degree in Social Work (MSW) in 1982 and completed a two-year externship at New York's prestigious Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy in 1986. Deckoff brings 30-plus years of experience with couples, individuals, and family therapy to provide short-term therapy with long-term results. To learn more about Aspire Health Services, visit http://www.aspirehealth.com.