Easing the Transitions of Divorce for Children

March 22, 2012

Easing the Transitions of Divorce for Children

Divorce is a turbulent, emotionally-charged time for all parties involved. When families split up, it is hard not to get overwhelmed at all of the changes. Sometimes parents who divorce forget that their children are having just as difficult of a time as the parents are in dealing with all of the changes. Parents can follow a few simple steps to make the transition from having married parents to having divorced parents easier for children.

Reassure the Child

Children often think that they had something to do with their parents' divorces. One of the most important things for parents to do is to reassure a child that he or she is not the cause of the split and that both parents still love the child.

Communicate with the Child

Children have many questions when learning their parents are divorcing. It is important not to use the child as a friend or confidant but remember let the child be a child. When answering questions for your child be age appropriate and do not include the child in decision making that belongs to the adults. Rather, answer the questions only as it applies to the child. For example, "where will I live?" Do not tell your child that you and the other parent are fighting over that very thing. Tell your child that he will spend time with both parents and that he will live in the place that is best suited to his needs and that has not been decided yet. It is important to remember that no matter how much acrimony there is between the parents, the child still loves both parents and it is very hurtful to the child when one parent says bad things about the other parent.

Communication Between Parents

Parents need to make sure not to put the child in the middle of any issues that the parents have. Parents should not criticize one another in front of the child or ask the child to take sides in arguments. Parents should avoid sending messages to one another through the child, as well.

Routines

Setting up routines will help bring a measure of stability and security back into a child's life. Setting and sticking to schedules for things like visitation, pick-up and drop-off times and locations and holidays will help put children at ease.

Transitioning Between Parents

Parents should avoid discussions about parenting issues at pick-up and drop-off time, in case discussions get heated. Instead, they should give the child time to say good-bye to one parent and adjust to spending time with the other parent. Keeping pick-up and drop-offs in neutral zones such as at school or a playground will help parents keep calm.

Dealing with a divorce can be difficult for both parents and children. Parents considering divorce could benefit from the advice of a legal professional. If you are considering divorce, contact an experienced divorce lawyer who can discuss your situation with you and advise you of your options.

Article provided by Jacob & Fritsch, P.C.
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